Long Time Coming

Picture above is a welcome home picture from my Ransomed group.

It has been a long time coming for an update. A friend reminded me the other day that I have not written anything on this blog in a long time about my health. I have been writing on my other blog, http://www.aleris.blogspot.com/, but have not updated where we are at currently.

It has been a long road for us and many ups and downs emotionally, but God has been so faithful to us. My health has been improving over the past few months and I am currently off all medication and on a vitamin regime, which is a good thing. I am being monitored currently by my neurologists to watch as symptoms appear or disappear. I have been tested in many different ways and they are not comfortable with giving me a diagnosis at this time because of my “young” age.

The other day I was told that I have a few nodules in my thyroid that are growing and they are going to have to monitor. If they grow more then they will have to biopsy them to see if they are malignant or not. The good news is that the majority of these nodules are not cancerous and can be fixed by just taking them out or using medicine to reduce them.

The doctors have cleared me to job hunt, which I am currently doing and finding it to be quite an endeavor in this economy, but God is good and I know He has the perfect place for me.

My goal is to use the money left in our account to travel back to India in October to teach for a couple of weeks. Of course if I get a job prior to that, then I will have to reschedule according to the position, but I will use the funds to go back and teach. I still love our partnership with Jayakumar and the Academy of Church Planters, and will be part of this ministry in any way that I can for as long as God allows me.

Thank you for your continued prayers and for all your support and I am sorry for not writing earlier. I think part of my lack of writing is that I have to think about everything and it is hard at times to think about what could be in the future. We were told that I have to be monitored for the next five years at least to make sure that I am healing. With no set diagnosis and the couple of things they think it could be that have positive outcomes, I don’t want to dwell on it.

The awesome thing is that there are so many people praying for me that I can’t believe it. I keep meeting people that have been praying for my healing that do not know me, except by what they have been told. I can say with confidence that people from all parts of the world are praying for me. It is incredible!! People have emailed me and told me that God has woken them to pray for me at night. How wonderful is our Great God, that He cares for someone like me enough to wake people out of sleep to pray for me, and on top of that most of them are people that do not even know me that well. God is moving and those that have had these experiences truly believe that God is going to heal me.

Oh yeah, one last story. I found out that at the same time I started healing that there was a group of guys in town that were fasting and praying for my healing. How cool is that!!!? Coincidence? I think not. I am a testimony to prayer and the power it has over our lives.

Maybe I should be writing and dwelling on it more, because the more I do the more I see God’s hand in all of this and the blessing all of you have been in my life. Again, thank you for your prayers through this time in our lives. Continue to pray that God continues to use me for His glory and places me where He can use me most for His Glory.

Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord Almighty. May His Name be praised and preached through out the world!

HURRY UP & WAIT!

James 5:10, “Brothers, take the prophets who spoke in the Lord’s name as an example of suffering and patience.”

I continue down the road of testing and waiting. It seems like every time we think that we may get a result it turns out to be just another piece of the puzzle that is being added for the neurologist to look at. So, we hurry up and wait.

It is easy during these times to become very frustrated and emotionally drained. Many doctors keep asking me if I feel depressed. I look at them as if that is a rhetorical question, then answer, who wouldn’t be going through this at least a little. Then I explain that I don’t stay depressed, as I know where my strength ultimately lies, which gives me a chance to witness. But, I wonder if they think that is another sign of something wrong.

Then there are all the questions you get when you open yourself up like I do in writing and my life. People are always asking you if you heard something, and they do it out of caring, but it tends to test your patience because you know you have nothing to tell them. And it just reminds you once again that you are waiting for an answer. I don’t say this to stop people from asking, but just to say that it is another way that God works on me waiting for Him and His time to reveal my health issue through the doctor.

Attitudes come into play as well. It can play on your reactions and your mood after a while when your life seems to almost be consumed by your health. After you talk about it with family and friends, then spend time reading about it, it takes it’s toll on you. Not to mention the medicines you are on that also effect your body and mood. You see symptoms being treated, but no diagnosis. . .hurry up, take the pill and wait.

If you’re not careful, this can certainly affect your relationship with God the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. You become self-centered and think of yourself and start to slip in your communication with God if not careful. Then you stop reading and worshipping like we are called to in any circumstance, and ultimately we become farther away from God, even though this is the time we need Him most.

I have been given this burden and challenge and want to be patient, just as the prophets were, and they went through far worse then me. My goal is to see how I can use this to witness to those going through the same thing, or the doctors God puts in front of me. Maybe even being an example to those watching me that my attitude would be like Christ Jesus through this.

Have I failed in this? Oh Yeah!! But I am going to press on and move forward and strive to be patient in all this and have an attitude of Christ. If this is my cross to carry, or the thorn in my side, or just a test, I want God to be proud that one day when I am standing before Him, He will tell me: “Well done good and faithful servant.”

If there are any out there that I have not been an example to, been short to, or have demonstrated a poor attitude through this time, then I am sorry. I repent and ask your forgiveness. It is not my intention to ever present my Savior in a bad light. My goal is to be like Christ. I will strive to be more like Jesus.

Philippians 2:5, “Make your own attitude that of Christ Jesus,”

Why Ask Why -- Just Praise Him!

If you did not read the blog below, then please read it first, as it will make more sense. Again, this is a repeat of my other blog, but some do not receive it and I wanted to inform others who support me in prayer.

Romans 10:17, “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.”

Through this time in my life it would not shock anyone if I went through a time of asking “Why me?” The problem is up to this point I have been counseling and teaching, and many times about sin, discipline, and struggles even the righteous go through in their walks with God. I kept saying to those I taught and those in discussion, instead of saying “Why me?,” shouldn’t we be saying, “Why not me?” Seriously, I start to wonder where we came up with the right to ask such questions as we go through trials, tribulations and whatever God deems necessary at the time.

Now, don’t get me wrong, as I fail at this all the time. I would love to have the answers as to why God sees it necessary to have me go through my current struggle, as it not only impacts me, it impacts my family and friends as well. I see and watch my wife go through hurt and shock. I watch my mother try to be strong, though I can see the hurt in her eyes. My father tries not to cry on the phone, and even friends have no idea what to say. What can be said? I may not remember anyway in a few years if the doctors are correct. Of course, like my senior pastor, Gino, has said many times, they have all been wrong before.

When the doctor first told me that I might have early onset Alzheimer’s or Frontal Lobe Dimentia, I did not know what to say. I walked to the parking garage trying not to break down in front of anyone. As you read I lost control of my emotions and cried, but what I did not tell you was that I asked why. I called my wife and asked, why would God take away the one thing that I used the most in my life, the one thing many times I of course took to much pride in, which is my mind. God has gifted me over the years in my studies and application of them and now I am looking at losing that, and I asked why.

But, did I have the right, was it “natural” or was it sin. For me God was showing me in one way something I held way too high, which was my intellect, so in part it was sin. If I completely belong to God, then He has control even over that, and I think we try to hold onto this aspect too much at times, whether it is intellect, looks, or whatever. We tend to have this “one” thing that we do not want God to touch, but if we are His, then He can touch what He wants.

Romans 9:15-16 says, “For He says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whomever I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whomever I will have compassion.” So then it is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of God who shows mercy.” If God is in complete control, and He chooses/allows this course for my life then that is what it is; God’s. Not mine, my wife’s or any other family member, but His. If He heals me through His mercy, or takes me home, I will follow, because He is in control. This earth is going away and a new one is coming. We all are going to leave this planet one day, either through death or rapture. We all have to carry our cross till that time, some have different ones to bear. But the one thing we cannot do, is try to tell God He is wrong, or waste too much time in the “Why,” but move forward and continue on until He takes us all home.

For me, God has shown me through Romans that it is not my place to ask why, but to serve Him. If He heals, praise Him, if He allows dementia, praise Him. Reminds me of a song: Praise Him in the morning; Praise Him in the noon time; Praise Him when the sun goes down; Praise Him, Praise Him!!!! That is my goal. To Praise Him!!!

Romans 9:18-20, “Therefore He has mercy on whom He wills, and whom He wills He hardens. You will say to me then, “Why does He still find fault? For who has resisted His will?” But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to him who formed it, “Why have you made me like this?”

Just Another Day

Some of you do not get my other blog, so I am adding here again for those who do not receive the blog I write on regularly. Forgive me if you received this already.

Philippians 1:21, “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”

As many of you know who read this, I had to return from India due to medical issues and have been going through tests to figure out what is wrong. It has been an interesting journey to say the least. Many of you also know that I was going for more testing, though many do not know what kind, and I am still going to keep you in the dark on that one for now.

I was in a good mood, as church was great, as the church I am attending, Calvary Evangelical Free, is an awesome church and the pastor really preaches to challenge and help us grow as believers. This past Sunday was a great sermon on how to live it out daily in our lives. Then I had the pleasure of being part of a great discussion with an awesome bunch of college students and young adults. Sunday was a blessed day, and typically is one of my favorite days because of the above mentioned.

On the way down to my next round of testing in Pittsburgh, I was listening to a sermon that was talking about Philippians and how our joy is not based on circumstance, but on Christ the object, and happiness is based on circumstance. The pastor was talking about complaining in our circumstances, and then comparing them to Paul’s situation he was in while writing Philippians. Paul was in jail and soon would die while writing this great letter. It would turn out to be quite an interesting sermon to listen to for what I was about to hear shortly.

Going into my appointment I had these two sermons in my head: living out my faith intellectually, as well as testimonial, as I believe one can’t really have a testimony without knowing who Jesus Christ is anyway. Anyone can just be nice, but I digress. Either way, I had heard two great sermons that were about to challenge me in so many ways that I did not realize.

After my testing, I asked the doctor what he thought, as I already knew I was crazy, I was looking for more substantial answers. What he told me was something I was not expecting, as the main two he mentioned would ultimately take my life and though there is medicine to shorten it, it still would not stop the ultimate end, death. Not what I expected to hear!! A literal shock to my system.

I made it down to my car and called my wife right away, and as soon as I heard her beautiful voice, I lost control of my emotions and cried for quite a while. How could this be the cause? If true, I may not see my youngest graduate high school. Again, it is not absolute yet, but they are testing for them. It makes you think of those things. After I gained composure, I left and put on some worship music, as I needed comfort from the One true source, Jesus Christ. I listened to Casting Crowns and just let myself think upon God.

I asked why. Who wouldn’t, right? He actually answered in a whisper, or bringing to mind different things, but either way God just brought to mind a few things.

He brought to mind all the things He has allowed to be done through me and my wife. He told me how I was used to work with nearly a hundred at-risk youth, and even to the point of some living with us. He spoke to me how I was allowed to work in the church and mentor and disciple many men and women of God. He sent me to India many times, and even for a year to teach church planters who will go into communities where the Bible has yet to be taught. Where churches do not exist yet, and will someday, because God allowed me to be part of His plan. How Awesome is that? Then He even allows me to counsel those that are hurting and help to heal their relationship with Jesus and those they love.

I have been blessed. What can I complain about, as God has used me in huge ways. Ways that I never thought I could be used, or even dreamed of, or could imagine. My mother told me from a young age that God was going to use me in great ways by God. He showed me today that He has done that already. Maybe there is more yet, but if not, I know that what my mother said has already come true.

God has been so gracious to me and has allowed me to be part of His plan in so many ways. If the diagnosis is the worst earthly diagnosis, I can live it out and continue to be the witness of His Grace, Truth and Love. I pray they are wrong, as they have been many times before, but as stated above, “to live is Christ, and die is gain.”

Philippians 2:14-16, “Do all things without complaining and disputing, 15that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, 16holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain.”