HURRY UP & WAIT!

James 5:10, “Brothers, take the prophets who spoke in the Lord’s name as an example of suffering and patience.”

I continue down the road of testing and waiting. It seems like every time we think that we may get a result it turns out to be just another piece of the puzzle that is being added for the neurologist to look at. So, we hurry up and wait.

It is easy during these times to become very frustrated and emotionally drained. Many doctors keep asking me if I feel depressed. I look at them as if that is a rhetorical question, then answer, who wouldn’t be going through this at least a little. Then I explain that I don’t stay depressed, as I know where my strength ultimately lies, which gives me a chance to witness. But, I wonder if they think that is another sign of something wrong.

Then there are all the questions you get when you open yourself up like I do in writing and my life. People are always asking you if you heard something, and they do it out of caring, but it tends to test your patience because you know you have nothing to tell them. And it just reminds you once again that you are waiting for an answer. I don’t say this to stop people from asking, but just to say that it is another way that God works on me waiting for Him and His time to reveal my health issue through the doctor.

Attitudes come into play as well. It can play on your reactions and your mood after a while when your life seems to almost be consumed by your health. After you talk about it with family and friends, then spend time reading about it, it takes it’s toll on you. Not to mention the medicines you are on that also effect your body and mood. You see symptoms being treated, but no diagnosis. . .hurry up, take the pill and wait.

If you’re not careful, this can certainly affect your relationship with God the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. You become self-centered and think of yourself and start to slip in your communication with God if not careful. Then you stop reading and worshipping like we are called to in any circumstance, and ultimately we become farther away from God, even though this is the time we need Him most.

I have been given this burden and challenge and want to be patient, just as the prophets were, and they went through far worse then me. My goal is to see how I can use this to witness to those going through the same thing, or the doctors God puts in front of me. Maybe even being an example to those watching me that my attitude would be like Christ Jesus through this.

Have I failed in this? Oh Yeah!! But I am going to press on and move forward and strive to be patient in all this and have an attitude of Christ. If this is my cross to carry, or the thorn in my side, or just a test, I want God to be proud that one day when I am standing before Him, He will tell me: “Well done good and faithful servant.”

If there are any out there that I have not been an example to, been short to, or have demonstrated a poor attitude through this time, then I am sorry. I repent and ask your forgiveness. It is not my intention to ever present my Savior in a bad light. My goal is to be like Christ. I will strive to be more like Jesus.

Philippians 2:5, “Make your own attitude that of Christ Jesus,”

Why Ask Why -- Just Praise Him!

If you did not read the blog below, then please read it first, as it will make more sense. Again, this is a repeat of my other blog, but some do not receive it and I wanted to inform others who support me in prayer.

Romans 10:17, “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.”

Through this time in my life it would not shock anyone if I went through a time of asking “Why me?” The problem is up to this point I have been counseling and teaching, and many times about sin, discipline, and struggles even the righteous go through in their walks with God. I kept saying to those I taught and those in discussion, instead of saying “Why me?,” shouldn’t we be saying, “Why not me?” Seriously, I start to wonder where we came up with the right to ask such questions as we go through trials, tribulations and whatever God deems necessary at the time.

Now, don’t get me wrong, as I fail at this all the time. I would love to have the answers as to why God sees it necessary to have me go through my current struggle, as it not only impacts me, it impacts my family and friends as well. I see and watch my wife go through hurt and shock. I watch my mother try to be strong, though I can see the hurt in her eyes. My father tries not to cry on the phone, and even friends have no idea what to say. What can be said? I may not remember anyway in a few years if the doctors are correct. Of course, like my senior pastor, Gino, has said many times, they have all been wrong before.

When the doctor first told me that I might have early onset Alzheimer’s or Frontal Lobe Dimentia, I did not know what to say. I walked to the parking garage trying not to break down in front of anyone. As you read I lost control of my emotions and cried, but what I did not tell you was that I asked why. I called my wife and asked, why would God take away the one thing that I used the most in my life, the one thing many times I of course took to much pride in, which is my mind. God has gifted me over the years in my studies and application of them and now I am looking at losing that, and I asked why.

But, did I have the right, was it “natural” or was it sin. For me God was showing me in one way something I held way too high, which was my intellect, so in part it was sin. If I completely belong to God, then He has control even over that, and I think we try to hold onto this aspect too much at times, whether it is intellect, looks, or whatever. We tend to have this “one” thing that we do not want God to touch, but if we are His, then He can touch what He wants.

Romans 9:15-16 says, “For He says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whomever I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whomever I will have compassion.” So then it is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of God who shows mercy.” If God is in complete control, and He chooses/allows this course for my life then that is what it is; God’s. Not mine, my wife’s or any other family member, but His. If He heals me through His mercy, or takes me home, I will follow, because He is in control. This earth is going away and a new one is coming. We all are going to leave this planet one day, either through death or rapture. We all have to carry our cross till that time, some have different ones to bear. But the one thing we cannot do, is try to tell God He is wrong, or waste too much time in the “Why,” but move forward and continue on until He takes us all home.

For me, God has shown me through Romans that it is not my place to ask why, but to serve Him. If He heals, praise Him, if He allows dementia, praise Him. Reminds me of a song: Praise Him in the morning; Praise Him in the noon time; Praise Him when the sun goes down; Praise Him, Praise Him!!!! That is my goal. To Praise Him!!!

Romans 9:18-20, “Therefore He has mercy on whom He wills, and whom He wills He hardens. You will say to me then, “Why does He still find fault? For who has resisted His will?” But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to him who formed it, “Why have you made me like this?”

Just Another Day

Some of you do not get my other blog, so I am adding here again for those who do not receive the blog I write on regularly. Forgive me if you received this already.

Philippians 1:21, “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”

As many of you know who read this, I had to return from India due to medical issues and have been going through tests to figure out what is wrong. It has been an interesting journey to say the least. Many of you also know that I was going for more testing, though many do not know what kind, and I am still going to keep you in the dark on that one for now.

I was in a good mood, as church was great, as the church I am attending, Calvary Evangelical Free, is an awesome church and the pastor really preaches to challenge and help us grow as believers. This past Sunday was a great sermon on how to live it out daily in our lives. Then I had the pleasure of being part of a great discussion with an awesome bunch of college students and young adults. Sunday was a blessed day, and typically is one of my favorite days because of the above mentioned.

On the way down to my next round of testing in Pittsburgh, I was listening to a sermon that was talking about Philippians and how our joy is not based on circumstance, but on Christ the object, and happiness is based on circumstance. The pastor was talking about complaining in our circumstances, and then comparing them to Paul’s situation he was in while writing Philippians. Paul was in jail and soon would die while writing this great letter. It would turn out to be quite an interesting sermon to listen to for what I was about to hear shortly.

Going into my appointment I had these two sermons in my head: living out my faith intellectually, as well as testimonial, as I believe one can’t really have a testimony without knowing who Jesus Christ is anyway. Anyone can just be nice, but I digress. Either way, I had heard two great sermons that were about to challenge me in so many ways that I did not realize.

After my testing, I asked the doctor what he thought, as I already knew I was crazy, I was looking for more substantial answers. What he told me was something I was not expecting, as the main two he mentioned would ultimately take my life and though there is medicine to shorten it, it still would not stop the ultimate end, death. Not what I expected to hear!! A literal shock to my system.

I made it down to my car and called my wife right away, and as soon as I heard her beautiful voice, I lost control of my emotions and cried for quite a while. How could this be the cause? If true, I may not see my youngest graduate high school. Again, it is not absolute yet, but they are testing for them. It makes you think of those things. After I gained composure, I left and put on some worship music, as I needed comfort from the One true source, Jesus Christ. I listened to Casting Crowns and just let myself think upon God.

I asked why. Who wouldn’t, right? He actually answered in a whisper, or bringing to mind different things, but either way God just brought to mind a few things.

He brought to mind all the things He has allowed to be done through me and my wife. He told me how I was used to work with nearly a hundred at-risk youth, and even to the point of some living with us. He spoke to me how I was allowed to work in the church and mentor and disciple many men and women of God. He sent me to India many times, and even for a year to teach church planters who will go into communities where the Bible has yet to be taught. Where churches do not exist yet, and will someday, because God allowed me to be part of His plan. How Awesome is that? Then He even allows me to counsel those that are hurting and help to heal their relationship with Jesus and those they love.

I have been blessed. What can I complain about, as God has used me in huge ways. Ways that I never thought I could be used, or even dreamed of, or could imagine. My mother told me from a young age that God was going to use me in great ways by God. He showed me today that He has done that already. Maybe there is more yet, but if not, I know that what my mother said has already come true.

God has been so gracious to me and has allowed me to be part of His plan in so many ways. If the diagnosis is the worst earthly diagnosis, I can live it out and continue to be the witness of His Grace, Truth and Love. I pray they are wrong, as they have been many times before, but as stated above, “to live is Christ, and die is gain.”

Philippians 2:14-16, “Do all things without complaining and disputing, 15that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, 16holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain.”

Truth Game

Everyone knows that I had to return from India because of Late Stage Lyme Disease. It has been an interesting road to recovery. It has caused me two hospital visits. Once because it put my heart into afib, which was not an exciting adventure to go through. It appears now I am on the road to recovery, as my energy is coming back, pain is rescinding and the veil over my mind seems to be lifting. God has been good and is using all this to help us grow and trust in Him more. Our love has only deepened and our faith strengthened through this, because only through Him can I truly recover.

We were heart broken to have to return so early, and strongly desired to complete our two year stint, but God had other plans. I will, once recovered, go back to teaching in Bangalore for a couple of weeks during summers, but at this time we are not going to be moving back. With a new baby on the way and making sure my health stays stable, we believe that it is best to remain in the states for now, but I will go for two weeks each year to continue to teach and train church planters.

Through this I have been praying and seeking the will of God and He has continually brought me back to start an outreach on the college campus in Indiana, PA. This campus has 15,000 students and a heavy drinking and drug problem associated with it. My goal is to open a center where students can come and escape these enticements, because there is nothing else here besides bars and gas stations for them. We will utilize Wii’s, Play Stations, and Xbox’s to draw them in and then evangelize them through a variety of avenues.

We will have two rooms to hold Bible studies, mentoring programs and tutoring opportunities. During gaming contests we will have special speakers come in and give testimonies, or have different videos shown on the gaming screens. Our goal is to create an environment that will be safe and secure and give churches a place to reach those on the college campus. We will align with strong evangelical churches in order to move the students into ministries within their congregations, as we desire to feed the church.

Our goal is to be a tent making ministry, as we are going to sell the video games that we allow to be played on the systems in the center, and we will charge a small fee for using the gaming systems as well. We will also be selling coffee, food and work on becoming a distributor for a Christian clothing and gadget company. These will all help in off setting the costs for ministering to the campus students.

The goal is to be able to allow the students to play for free, but in order to do that we have to have the income coming in to allow us to cover those costs as well. Our desire is to give free game play to those students who are showing Christ like qualities and demonstrating it internally as well as externally.

We will also hold high school time slots, as we desire to reach them as well, but our focus is on the college campus. Using the mentoring as a way for the college students to give back to the community, we will set up college students with high school students, thus making a roll down effect. The college students will have mentors and then they will mentor, which helps us attain our goal: Impact a culture and change a generation!

This is where you come in, as you trusted us in India, I am now asking you to put trust in me again with this outreach. We need your prayers and your resources to help us get off the ground and started with this ministry. We would like to use IUP (Indiana University of Pennsylvania) as a starting hub, and if this is successful start other locations throughout the country, but we cannot do it without you.

Many of you had a two year commitment with us for India, and I am asking if you would consider giving your second year commitment to our new organization for this college outreach, Verum Venatus, which means Truth Game. I hate having to ask for money like this, but it is the only way I know at this time to move towards the goal of reaching these college kids for Christ.

We have a large vision, and the gaming center that will be used for mentoring and outreach is just a small part of it. We desire to open a counseling center along side of this outreach, but again this will cost money, as college students cannot pay a lot for counseling and will not ask parents out of embarrassment many times. We also have plans for helping to train those that have a desire to go into missions, as there are leaders in India, Africa and America that will partner with us to help bring up a new generation of people that will sacrifice their lives for the cause of Christ.

Again, much of this depends upon your prayers and God moving, and secondly on your willingness to give to this new ministry. I know God owns the cattle on a thousand hills, and He will provide. I am just asking you to be part of that provision. I have a detailed plan if you desire to see it and would love to talk to anyone who has interest in this outreach.

If you feel led to donate please make checks out to and send to:

Verum Venatus

33 Shady Drive

Indiana, PA 15701

All donations are tax deductible, as I have started the 501c3 above for this outreach purpose.

Very Truly Yours,

Alan Seymour